Does many hands always make light work?

陆梦露100816

Does many hands always make light work?
　　　As an old saying goes that “Many hands make light work”, it implies the importance of teamwork, which is also very popular among our society nowadays, but to be popular is no argument in its favor. Are two heads always better than one? Personally, I think it is one-sided.
　　　 There is no denying in the first place that most of the time, for most cases,it is true that teamwork leads to success. You can not enjoy a victory, though you are a MVP by yourself, in a basketball game or football match without teaming up with your teammates. For these games require excellent team works. Putting it in another way, what makes Obama be re-elected the president of the United States? Yes, it was teamwork, which provides a key to the White House. If Obama had not got a good campaign team as well as all the people who were supported for him, never would he be re-elected.In another case,the boss in your company would prefer to hiring a graduate who can be a good teammate rather than one who just shows off his potential of being a leader.
　　　Admittedly, teamworks are required in many sectors of our life and is indispensable, but this do not necessary mean that it can always work efficiently. In other words, Awful teamwork will have bad effects.
　　　For instance, A long time discussion of a project in a company would sometimes end up in vain. Why? Because the people involved in it are just joining the thinking without any idea of what they are thinking about----everyone takes it for granted that someone else is responsible for the result instead of himself so that they do not have to make any proposal---this kind of teamwork, however, even turn out to be a burden to the company. Again, a football team with eleven invaluable players sometimes be defeated badly---although the eleven is seemingly a team, having more than one “foot”, it does not work like one team, with everyone having the eager to score by himself. A big armed force could be defeated by a small group of enemies if they do not cooperate well inside themselves.
　　　From the examples given, we can come to the conclusion that “Many hand makes light work” only if the members in the team are willing and dedicated to his team. Integration of a team is critical. So we should get a better a better understanding of our team, making sure the possibility of teamwork, before we do some work together.
　　　To sum up, many hands do not necessary means light work.We need teamwork, and we  need it work as well.

Cinderella

As an old saying goes that “Many hands make light work”, it implies the importance of teamwork, which is also very popular among our society nowadays, but to be popular is no argument in its favor. Are two heads always better than one? Personally, I think it is one-sided.

——Very popular is the old saying that many hands make light work, which implies the importance of teamwork, yet to be popular is no argument in its favor. Personally it is rather one-sided.

为什么要改呢？因为原句的as引导的从句，与后面的句子，在意思上无法用as 衔接

Cinderella

There is no denying in the first place that most of the time, for most cases,it is true that teamwork leads to success.

__There is no denying that teamwork does lead to success.

要注意不要片面追求长句。并非句子长就比句子短好。长句的长，是因为所含信息多，压缩到一个句子中，有主有次，逻辑分明，使读者瞬间理顺纷繁信息并明白作者重点所指。

而你这句话并没有更多的信息，却勉强拉成了长句，反而读来饶舌。开篇至此不过两三句话，但是给人感觉非常冗长，读来不清爽。

句子无论长短都为信息服务，不能片面追求长句。如果信息量并不大，简洁明晰是最好。

in the first place在这里可以省略，因为你下面还会用连接词表示第二点，第三点……，而且这个短语也不适合放在句中。

Cinderella

You can not enjoy a victory, though you are a MVP by yourself, in a basketball game or football match without teaming up with your teammates.

——可省略in a basketball game or football match

For these games require excellent team works. 这句可以删除，因为不言自明，是常识。

Cinderella

Putting it in another way, what makes Obama be re-elected the president of the United States? Yes, it was teamwork, which provides a key to the White House. If Obama had not got a good campaign team as well as all the people who were supported for him, never would he be re-elected.

首先，putting it in another way，表达错误，应删除in. 其次，你接下来并不是“用另外的表达方式来说”，而是举了另外一个例子。所以这个短语属于应用不当。

what makes Obama be re-elected the president of the United States? Yes, it was teamwork, 这句话makes这个词使用不当，不是makes，而是helps，contributes to。其次，这是一个特殊问句，而这篇文章是一篇正式的议论文，不能用口头的Yes来回答。

which provides a key to the White House 这句话是否属于中文思维？从英文来看，是没有逻辑的。

all the people who were supported for him这句应该是主动语态，而且support后面也不用for，直接加宾语。另外，他所争取到的票数，与team work不太相关，前面所提到的竞选班子的共同努力则是可以作为例子的。

综上所述，再考虑到与上文的衔接，这几句话可以缩略为：Without a good campaign team, never would Obama have been re-elected.

Cinderella

In another case,the boss in your company would prefer to hiring a graduate who can be a good teammate rather than one who just shows off his potential of being a leader.

不要随便改变人称，这里的your出现很突兀，如果不是全文都用you来作为想象中的读者，不要突然使用。而且文章中尽量避免使用you, 用us或者people之类会让读者比较舒适。

in another case也属于冗余成分，可以删除

与上句相衔接，全句可改为：And obviously a company would prefer a candidate who can be a good teammate to someone who just wants to show off his own potential.

Cinderella

Admittedly, teamworks are required in many sectors of our life and is indispensable, but this do not necessary mean that it can always work efficiently. In other words, Awful teamwork will have bad effects.

teamwork在这里的意思泛指“团队合作”，应是抽象的，最好用单数谓语is。原文用了一个are，在and后面又用了一个is，为什么呢？此外this do not应为this does not（第三人称单数）

这句中required 和indispensable是同义重复，可结合为一句：Admittedly, teamwork is indispensable in many sectors of our life, but this does not necessary mean that it can always work efficiently. In other words, Awful teamwork will have bad effects.

改了第一部分之后再看这句，后面的in other words好像不太合适（作者好像有用other cases, other words这样的习惯。。。），改为：actually或in fact，是否更通顺？再有，Awful为什么大写第一个字母？是在逗号后面呢！

再赞一个，用admittedly... but...用得好！

Cinderella

For instance, A long time discussion of a project in a company would sometimes end up in vain. Why? Because the people involved in it are just joining the thinking without any idea of what they are thinking about----everyone takes it for granted that someone else is responsible for the result instead of himself so that they do not have to make any proposal---this kind of teamwork, however, even turn out to be a burden to the company.

for instance用得好，不过后面的A为什么用大写？

另外我不确定您所谈到的这种teamwork是否真实存在？

从语法上来说这个句子是没有问题的。

Cinderella

Again, a football team with eleven invaluable players sometimes be defeated badly---although the eleven is seemingly a team, having more than one “foot”, it does not work like one team, with everyone having the eager to score by himself.

——again用得好

be defeated从语法上来说，be是不能用的。要改成is

be defeated badly这个搭配，是想表达“惨败”吗？那么用suffer a crushing (or disastrous) defeat

改进一下这个句子：

although the eleven is seemingly a team, it does not work as such, with everyone eager to score by himself. (eager的名词是eagerness)

Cinderella

From the examples given, we can come to the conclusion that “Many hand makes light work” only if the members in the team are willing and dedicated to his team.

如果Many hand makes light work用于引号中，那么它整体形成一个名词性短语，用在这里就是语法错误。如果想要这句谚语变成一个句子，就不能用于引号中。（而且作者貌似打错了，hands里面的s 跑到make后面去了哈）

简洁地表达，Therefore, many hands can make light work only if the team members are willing to dedicate themselves to their team.