《中式英语之鉴》4

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Twenty Exercises and Examples of Revision  

1. Overview of Materials  
The study materials present a collection of Chinese·to·English translation exercises with corresponding revised versions. These examples illustrate practical techniques for improving sentence clarity and logical flow through structural adjustments to subordinate clauses and phrases. The revision process emphasizes four key objectives: proper modifier placement, ambiguity elimination, structural simplification, and coherence enhancement.  

2. Key Issues and Solutions  

2.1 Misplaced Modifiers  
Original sentences frequently demonstrated problematic modifier placement, particularly with temporal, locational, and descriptive phrases.  

Example Analysis:  
· Original: "Zhou Enlai traveled to southern Anhui Province to discuss strategic tasks for the army in February 1939."  
· Problem: Ambiguous temporal reference ("in February 1939") could modify either the discussion or the travel.  
· Solution: Repositioned as "In February 1939, Zhou Enlai traveled..."  

2.2 Logical Flow and Emphasis  
Several sentences suffered from poor information hierarchy, burying key details in structurally weak positions.  

Case Study:  
· Original: Lengthy description of political congress ending with "in Hong Kong"  
· Issue: Terminal phrase appeared to modify the wrong noun  
· Revision: Repositioned location marker near verb "convened"  

2.3 Ambiguous Prepositional Phrases  
Dangling modifiers created multiple potential interpretations in source sentences.  

Notable Example:  
· Phrase "with its mature financial market" initially modified "enterprises"  
· Corrected by placing immediately after "Hong Kong"  

2.4 Redundancy Elimination  
Many original sentences contained unnecessary duplicative elements.  

Illustration:  
· Original: "without loss of time in the days to come"  
· Revision: Simplified to "quickly" while maintaining temporal meaning  

3. Practical Applications  

3.1 For Translators  
· Conduct modifier proximity checks during self·review  
· Verify each descriptive phrase has unambiguous attachment  

3.2 For Writers  
· Employ S·V·O structure as baseline framework  
· Strategically position key information for emphasis  

3.3 For Editors  
· Utilize oral reading to identify awkward phrasing  
· Develop sensitivity to structural ambiguity  

4. Summary of Principles  

4.1 Foundational Rules  
· Modifier adjacency principle  
· End·weight emphasis rule  
· Economy of expression standard  

4.2 Revision Methodology  
1) Identify problematic elements  
2) Determine intended meaning  
3) Restructure for optimal clarity  
4) Verify preservation of original intent  

5. Conclusion  
These exercises demonstrate how systematic attention to sentence architecture can significantly enhance translation quality. The presented techniques—focusing on precision positioning, structural clarity, and concise expression—offer replicable models for improving English language output across various professional writing contexts. Mastery of these principles enables the production of polished, reader·focused translations that effectively communicate original meaning while adhering to English stylistic conventions.